and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
