i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
