he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
