i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
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