Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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