there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
