let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
