come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
