Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
