this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
