I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I wish I only lived at night.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
