my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
be right there i have to get my cape
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
