when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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