I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
