i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
