I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
