Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
