so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
