Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
