What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
