brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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