i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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