u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
