"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
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