Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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