i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
