I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
