I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
