I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
