Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
4 words: hood of his car
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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