I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
