her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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