I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
