I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
