I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
