I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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