Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
