I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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