I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Randomize
