I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
