I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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