running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
