Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
