just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
