I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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