The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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