Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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