Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Everyone says I win the strip club
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
