In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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