OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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